I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
