Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
