Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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