It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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