So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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