I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
