I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
