Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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