he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
