drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
