dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
