Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
