I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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