Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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