The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
