dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
