Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
