i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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