i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
