called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
