Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
last night I used snow as a chaser
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
