I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
