You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
