just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
