Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
