her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
