I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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