I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
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we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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