can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
