I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
