I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
