Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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