why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
