i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
