this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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