you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I FOUND THE LEGS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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