If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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