listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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