tell your sister to shave her snatch
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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