I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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