Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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