So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
