I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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