the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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