Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
