Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
