I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
