nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize