he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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