i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
