I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
