he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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