Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
