when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
